i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
FUCK WHALES
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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