Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
