just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
