So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
