literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
time to smoke my breakfast
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
