Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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