I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize