Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
