ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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