i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
