Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
