I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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