I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize