Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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