Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
