Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
