I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
