Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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