her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
