Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
