I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
