Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
