Where is the hickey?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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