Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
