i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
