Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
