big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
