I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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