This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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