You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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