try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
