dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
