I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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