Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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