Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
