I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
