apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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