i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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