So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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