the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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