Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
