i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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