My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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