hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
