i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
