Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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