I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
