OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
