I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
