Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
