I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
