So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
