hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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