You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
