I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
