Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
