Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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