Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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