I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
