Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
