and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
