I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
