You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
