please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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