Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
