you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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