I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
