I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
